It is really difficult to define a soul mate. This is because they are of different types.
We all meet soulmates with whom we get along and some with whom we simply don’t. The blameless partners as opposed to the passionate lovers. Accordingly we have good relationships with some while unhealthy ones with others.
The most recognizable thing about meeting a soulmate is that they never fail to change our life and leave a mark in it forever. The affect us intensely no matter what type of relationship we share with them.
The world soulmate is self-defining- ‘a mate of the soul’
There are some who are fortunate enough to end up with their soulmates while most don’t.
I’ve encountered two soulmates in my lifetime. And I have lost both of them.
The loss was devastating. I came to realize that I won’t ever again meet someone else who would affect me the way they did. I was afraid because I felt that if I were to meet a new soulmate he would not be able to break the wall that I had built around myself from the loss.
If losing my soulmate was the worst thing that ever happened to me, one might think what good could possibly come out of it?
There are benefits if one stays with one’s soulmate and even if one loses them. It took me a long time to realize how the loss helped me. Whether they leave or stay soulmates bring about an immense awakening inside us. They crack the shell outside us and reveal our true selves in the form of a pearl.
I never sought reasons why I lost them. My loss was too great to seek for irrelevant answers. Rather, I realized later that the true answer lay in the loss itself. We all learn lessons in life. My lessons revealed to me in the form of my soulmates.
What I learnt from my awakening was detachment. We generally are quite attached with our soulmates but we also have mastered the art of staying detached while staying with them.
When we have something precious we are always anxious of keeping it with ourselves, afraid of losing it.
And only when I lost I learnt how to let go.
I stopped thinking about what people expected of me and let go of the false image of myself that I had created in front of others. And instead I became the one that they had unraveled to me.
Meeting them has been quite an overwhelming event for me and has forced me to drop all the masks that I had to wear in front of others. The helped me realize who I really am and thus meet my true identity.
But I have come to learn that love isn’t enough for keeping soulmates together. Neither is passion, security or desire. And having a soulmate is not necessarily being in a relationship with them. It requires a lot of effort to build a relationship. Some people are not ready for it.
Soulmates can bring both peace and conflict in your life. The passion you feel for them is so intense and devastation that it penetrates you quite sharply. It might also feel bitter in all its sweetness. And after withdrawing myself from those complex emotions I have discovered a certain kind of emptiness that I could not feel when I was with them. This emptiness quite enjoyable as it lets you have a certain kind of peace.
Perhaps I am happy that I didn’t end up with a soulmate. The love that one has for soulmates is so obsessive that one eventually becomes a slave of love where one can control the other’s emotion. And this is what I do not want. I want to be in love with someone whom I can live with or without. I want a kind of love that is more mature and conscious.
Love for a soulmate is I feel a juvenile kind of love. Where there is something mysterious about it. And instead of me claiming my love it is love that claims me.